I think I have understood something new.
I strove to understand that what is important to me, is important to me irrespective of other input. This is what friends who tried to help me get past the issues caused by being subsumed into the will of another.
But this is not how the world works at all.
What is important to me, can ONLY be important if, when I speak of it, the subject matter is returned in discussion. Otherwise, it is just a thing I have in my head, and, some of those are just crazy stuff.
I do not small talk. I know other people who say this. They mean something different. And they do small talk differently as a result. I don’t grease social wheels unless I am obliged by cause of family in some way. So I have no need of meaningless chatter.
If I ask you how you are, it is not small talk, it is not a filler, I genuinely want a genuine response. If I didn’t, I would not ask. In fact, if I ask you anything, it is because I wish to know YOUR answer. If the subject is not important enough to you to bother answering, then, that is assigning importance which eclipses any importance I assign.
This is fine. I am happy to relinquish power, I do not wish to control, and I wish to engage in conversations that people wish to be in. If I offer something I mean it. If I ask something I want to know. But, I know most people don’t engage in this way or, so MUCH in this way. And that’s OK too.
I suppose it is the way by which people who choose not to engage choose an intimate. The person who allocates importance to those things that you think are important. Not in terms of physical, but ideological, philosophical. I am not sure, actually, that it doesn’t some how slowly creep into physically extant things too.
Without that, those things, float away, and become unimportant, non existent. Those things that are important to me fade and die. So, no, it is not the case that I may hold something to be of value, and that makes it important. What is important is the shared value.
With no shared value, there is no value. There is no connection. There is no friend.
One cannot be a close friend and not share values, value shared ideas. Not give of oneself into the ideological pot of experience. If you reject the sharing, then you occupy a more distant circle, because, you take away importance, and do not want to engage more than you are. In a particular direction. And that’s OK too, but, like subatomic space fillers, you can’t occupy both positions at once.