This weekend, I have challenged my idea of organising fun for the bigger small.
Fun, when you are thinking of arranging it for someone else, has to be fun for THEM. This is something of a challenge when you don’t really occupy the same social universe.
We started well enough. We established the concept of the “birthday weekend” – so that, if your birthday falls on a weekend day, you can have two days of fun, to make up for the weekdays you have to go to school / work. We went on our own to the cinema, to see a film which turned out to be good. It picked at my scab of lacking home and family, but, most things do. We had lunch. We looked at baths and showers in B&Q (remember, we already covered, has t be fun for *them* – he *asked*) there was cake. There were buses. There was a very late night party. There was going to bed just before midnight.
There was throwing up in bed at 3:15 am – a one off, too many sweets and too much party food. I managed my dismay at having been asleep for almost 2hrs. Then, special sunday breakfast, and visitors. I should have planned visitors better. I failed.
Thus, the weekend ended with bigger small person crying and unable to sleep. Unable to explain why he felt sad. Unable to generally process a weekend SO out of the ordinary.
Maybe the usual system of having a quiet and boring day for at least HALF of every weekend, is the only way to help him cope. Maybe I need to consider more how much “fun” exhausts him. Irrespective of any other considerations.
I have learnt a lot about him this weekend though. Sadly a lot about his worries. many things we need to change. No more R4 over night. May also need to find bus fares for Wednesdays, the dog incident seems to be a big, and lasting issue.
I don’t know. I have failed to help him have a good time. I have learnt a lot. It is a shame that such a lot of learning has to be as a result of error.
I definitely should have put my “self” away earlier to prevent this. I think, much as it is a lovely thing, that guests are really not something we can manage.
And, I think, we need to reduce the amount of “fun” things we plan.
Not in a negative way.
But, I do think that, if you are going to be responsible for two such neurologically diverse small people, on your own, then, especially if neither of them sleep, there is very, very little room for ones own mind. It then becomes important not to allow your own mind to impose an idea of fun on the minds of the small people. More to allow their ideas to be heard.
This is true, and important, but, I think, more challenging when you are approaching “fun” from neurologically opposite places, and you are the only one who can give any ground.
Sometimes I wonder if a “debrief your day” service might be of benefit to such adults. Maybe I can use my half a counselling qualification to create such a thing.
Although, maybe I am simply comforting myself imagining that there are a whole bunch of people out there with just no one to do such a thing with.