I teach my child to ask for help. I encourage both to reach for help if they need it. Help is sometimes necessary. it is good to learn when it is the time to ask.

But, should I teach them to be specific? Know what help you need. Ask for the help you need?

What if you don’t know? What if you JUST know you need help?

It’s all I know. For myself.

I can’t decide. Do I need help because I just need the old meds? You can’t be a single parent with no network on those. Can’t BF. Can’t think, or write or research or travel, or ANYTHING.

Plus, I asked for that, and the actual dr decided I am not worthy of MH treatment, at least not for the same thing.

So, do I need help to put the past away? How to get past all the things that are missing, that have happened, that hurt, that scare me? I have never really worked out any of them. Always either because I am ill. Or, must accept the illness of others. Or because of my own weakness, or failure, or inadequacy. But HOW? How get past everything and keep moving in a useful and worthwhile, satisfying way?

Do I need help to feel physically normal again after M?

Do I need help to have a normal relationship with food? I scare myself.

Do I just need help not to need help? So I CAN just be OK on my own like this?

Do I need help to understand my children better? To know what to do and how to make things better?

Or, am I just being a big, fat wimp, who is looking for an excuse and a need for help that really doesn’t exist. Who experiences this type of panic and pain just because they ARE useless?

I don’t know. I just know, if I knew someone was living this way, I would want there to be something else. But, for me, there is nothing else.


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