Socially Inexperienced and Out of Time

ASD is a social “disorder” – so social issues concern us all quite extensively. And I have learnt a lot.

Firstly, I am not sure ASD is a social disorder. It is certainly a social difference. But, from everything I can discern, it is a social way of being that causes far less distress than, say, my way of being. I have a variety of social ideas and expectations, both of receipt and of responsibility. Most of them seem to be out of step.

There are many things to recommend an ASD social approach. Only to do those things which make sense, unencumbered by thoughts of shared expectation or unnecessary kindness, uncluttered by making oneself unhappy to make someone else happy. But equally without cruelty or deliberate selfishness.

Me, I am socially in pain. Constantly. And there is nothing I can do to ameliorate this, except, possibly stop teaching my son to experience the pain I have, and instead, learn from him how to engage in the way that works for him.

It is, in my experience, closer to the social expectation and outworking that everyone else I know uses and understands. I am informed I am stuck, in a time warp type way, with no Rocky Horror mitigation, in a set of expectations and responsibilities that no one recognises these days.

I strongly suspect that the country, maybe the world, is moving to a much more ASD type “norm”. I also suspect that my divergence from this is not that there is anything particular about me, but rather, I have simply rebelled against an extreme version of this. Like all people do against what they know and choose t disown.

I also, with disappointing predictability, managed to choose a person with a HUGELY inflated sense of this ASD way of being. And then to be angry when MY norm is not everyones norm.

So, I have learnt to leave people be. Understand that I am wrong. There will never be someone to share my life in any capacity, in the ways I dream. Maybe I have romantic ideas from fiction in it’s many guises.

And, I certainly must not try to impose my beliefs on my son, who will, undoubtedly fit much better into the social world his way than my way will ever serve him.

I should never have engaged with anyone who encouraged any of my social hopes and dreams. It’s something like the parent on talent shows encouraging their child who can only perform badly, irrespective of reality, or their actual feelings. This wouldn’t happen with ASD socialising. See? More evidence that it is better. It is a better way of keeping oneself safe and real. You can easily self care too.

I am starting to believe that it is not a DISorder. I suspect it might well be the NEW order. This is evolution. And it is Autistic.

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